lost.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love,
the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”
-Kevin Arnold

Life's like a hourglass glued to a table, time never stops and life goes on.. I have to admit, I am afraid of the future. Waking up in the morning, hurts knowing that you have to go through another day of life and end up wasting it. Whenever I go to school, and it comes to studying. I always tell myself, "it's okay to not pay attention today, because there's always tomorrow" and it never goes away, at all. The more I force myself, the more torture myself with that sentence, no point regretting cz I've choose that path. Now, it's like my own kind of drug. I'm so used to it, I am just scared to change it because I'm afraid things get wrong. All I can think of is, easy way out from difficulties. Yes, I am a loser. I have no dreams that others have, I do not have faith in myself which I'm supposed to have. I do not have a future, or do I? It sucks being me, really. Life in Hollywood, looks so easy eh? Big bucks, easy job. How lucky, I am so jealous.. They're enjoying every moment of it(I think), and here I am struggling with everything. Hmm..

I love thinking about my future, but I am always thinking negative. Ahh nevermind, whatever it is, right now I am loving life. Ok honestly, not really. I've been doing nothing for months and still counting. All I do is, go to school, go home. Chat with a couple of people I am close and comfortable with plus look at things that isn't important. Well, take is as if I figured out I'm not good at making and meeting new friends.

Anyways, I need a job to shop. But my schedule's tight due to some reason(s). I want or rather need a holiday which means, going somewhere out of SG. Part of me is looking forward for graduating, but part of me don't want it to end because that pretty well means I have to think about the future. Things like, what do I wanna do in the future, what kind of work/line I wanna do? People have been asking questions like "so where you going after this?" and I just get speechless every time people stare into my eyes and waits for my answer. It hurts, yes it does. And being fickle minded isn't fun, and it only makes me feel worst about everything. Cz, it's like I am so clueless and lost about what I want. SIGH! So kids, study now before you regret. K perhaps I'm thinking too much and I think I'll post another day, Im beginning to get a headache -shrugs-

Nights.
& sorry for crapping.