Every fibre in my body is frowning at me, it feels disgusted.
I'm shaking at every thought my mind is playing to ruin my self esteem. It's amazing how you can easily destroy YOURSELF just by overthinking.
Sometimes i feel like i don't deserve to be where i am right now. I'm a disappointment, useless and a lazy ass. Yet i have a dream to make my parents proud. Who the fuck am i kidding? I'm a hopeless person. I dont even know what to do with my life. Everytime M pops the question, whatever that's keeping me strong collapse in a matter of seconds. Whereas i took so damn fucking long to built that shit and it doesn't protect me whenever it need it to. Sometimes i feel that life is unfair, but who am i to question about life when i am planning it properly. I am getting old, tired and bored of my lifestyle right now... Sometimes i can feel a slap across my face whenever someone asked me the question i hate right now. 'What are you gonna do with your life?' 'Not gonna study/get a better job?'
Right now at this point of time, i feel like skinning myself alive. And treat that as a lesson. So i'll learn faster. But right now, i need to learn to be displined. No more fooling around. No more time to waste my life.
& i hope to achieve the things i want to do by the end of next year. God willing. Let's try and make things right S.
Have a great day xx
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