79.

I hate feeling something that you just can't express it in any way, no matter how hard you try to express it to feel better, you just fail. Felt like words, letters just doesn't exist for a minute and your heart burns from it, cz it's beginning to be a burden you just NEED to let go. It feels so empty, and your heart feels heavy at certain times. Whenever someone ask, "What's wrong? Just say it, try, try explaining" They just don't understand, cz this is something that you don't even know what had cause it. Or perhaps, it's one of the things that people might say "if I tell you, I'll have to kill you"

Even though this might sound silly, but it's really painful to be in this kind of situation. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get through this, but there's no other choices left to choose from. I just feel like hiding from the world and never show up again and stay in the dark where no one can find me and cry till it all goes away. Life hasn't been nice to me these few days, some people around me is always moody and angry also some who just can't stop being annoying for just a minute has to make me feel worst than what I am feeling.

Oh and I've registered myself for Fundamentals and deep inside I've this tiny feeling that I can't wait to learn about something new but most of the time, it feels like I'm trying to killing myself. I hope I'm gonna like this, and not waste anymore money. Everything is making me so fucking nervous!

On the brighter side, I'm gonna meet my laughing gas(es) tomorrow, and I can't wait to laugh like an idiot till my stomach hurts. Cause I really need it, been sometime since I laughed like that. With them, I just feel, hm how do I put it? It feels like, I'm escaping from this world for a little bit and have an awesome time together. And now, let's not get too mushy.

Hope everything's gonna go smoothly, and boy, I'm so nervous for 9FEB. Every time I think about it, it just gives me the chills and it's like I'm gonna have a fever, which I hope I don't. Tomorrow's gonna be the last practical(I hope!) I'm gonna miss the instructors somehow. Bye for now, need some awesome shows to cheer me up :)

Have a great day ahead.

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.