Wishing I had strength to stand, This is not what I had planned, It's out of my control....

I just need more time to think. Time is running out and my mind is driving me crazy.. It has gotten me and I'm losing this battle. I need strength and I never thought that it's gonna be this hard. Seriously, how do people do it? It's almost like a life and death situation. It's so threatening but you're being forced to go forward or else you're dead. But every single step you take, you just keep getting weaker and weaker.... You just don't know yourself anymore. Drowned by your own thoughts and start to push things away from your life. Everytime you open your eyes to a new day, you feel so souless. So empty, so lonely and all you want to do is cry a river. Desperately finding for someone who understands you, hug you and tell you that everything's gonna be alright. Hold your hand and guide you through the nightmare that's haunting you for years. Sadly reality is, everyone's busy with their own lives, they don't notice the sadness and pain you're going through. Everytime you have the fucking courage you've been building your whole life, the courage to reach out to them and tell everything that's killing you to shove it off your chest, they just... dont give a damn and take it so lightly. They think it's a teenager thing that will go away sooner or later but by that, they don't know that they've just killed you. The feeling's the same as burying you alive. No matter how strong you try to be, nothing last forever. Right now, I wish I could hug you,M. It hurts so freaking much :'(