this is embarassing.

"In life, we're like barbers.We can cut other people's hair,but cannot cut our own. We give good advice,but cannot follow them ourselves."

It feels like the walls I built all these years is slowly falling apart. No matter how hard I try to build the broken parts, it just becomes worst. Or maybe, I should just give up and start letting people pass through it? I am tired of pushing people away from my life, trust me, I push them away unintentionally. I swear... I am changing and I have, I hope. I feel like I'm under depression or something. I sound so crazy. One thing that has been the hardest things to do is open up to others. To sometimes tell them what problems I have. I'd love to share them to make myself feel better. But every single time I feel blue, I just feel like someone pushed the button shut down on me. Like, I am in my own world, drowning in my own thoughts. Only I exist in this world. I sometimes feel funny when I breathe. The thoughts that I'm really here in this very world. Of course, I feel thankful to get an opportunity to get witness the beauty of God's creations. I honestly don't know why am I even saying this. But one thing for sure, I'm truly sorry if you ever felt like I'm pushing you away. Trust me, I have no intentions of doing that. And the other thing I hate about myself is being awkward and idiotically shy. Don't be surprised when I say I'm shy and nervous when we haven't met in ages and finally going to meet because it's true. I know I sound so stupid. But no point lying about what I'm saying now cause I don't get anything in return.

So, if you have read this, I need your opinion. Honest opinion, do you feel like I pushed you away? :( Okay, this is meaningless :/